Learning to Say "No"
I have the bad habit of being unable to say “no” when something comes along that I think will be a good opportunity. The truth is: I just don’t want a good opportunity to pass me by that I will regret later. The problem is that, in accepting these opportunities, I’ve caused myself to become needlessly overwhelmed, and I’ve even hurt my relationships with other people because I’ve let them down, being unable to pull through and finish certain things.
Early last year, I saw Guy Kawasaki’s “Art of Innovation” presentation at N-TEN’s Non-profit Technology Conference. In his presentation, he mentioned that he was offered the CEO position at Yahoo! in the mid-90s, but he turned it down thinking that the company would go nowhere. I guess something like this goes through my mind when I’m considering an exciting opportunity, whether it’s writing a book or looking at some potential side project.
However, now I’m going to have to start drawing the line and putting my foot down. I need to learn to say “no” to things I know I can’t handle right now, even if I think I’m passing up an awesome opportunity. This is what’s best for me and my family. For the first time in two years, I have no side projects (other than Atlanta PHP), and it feels good. I feel like I am actually in charge of my time management, and I’m not overwhelmed by the weight of various projects all around me. I do have a few things lingering around, but I’m going to get them set up and ready to turn loose on the community, so that others can be in charge of them. Look for these soon.
7 Comments
Amen brother, I just recently took a job after being an entrepreneur with numerous clients and side projects for the past 5 years. The freedom you get from saying "no" can be truly liberating. I actually have more time for my family, less stress and in the end I can write better code or better yet, empower someone else to do so.
I work for Guy Kawasaki, and I would like to thank you for your comments about Guy and his Art of Innovation presentation!
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Good for you. Speaking form experience, keep your side projects down to a minimum now that you've got a kid. Enjoy your time with Sean, there's plenty of time for programming later.
=C=
Great post, I recently came across this revelation myself. I'm an independant contractor, tied to his office. Last month I had a main contract keeping me busy for 60 hrs/week, work for a startup that I've started, and 4 other contracts that combined kept me busy for another 30 hrs/week. Basically working 90hrs/week .. sure the money was coming in, but I wasn't enjoying it. I had to stop, and ask myself, what is important to me, my wife ? or my work ?.
Plus, do I really need that much money to live ?
I've been married for one year, but I realized I had treated my wife the same as I had when she was my girlfriend, she was second to my job, what a fool I was.
Recently, I've started saying no to the side gigs, turning down offers, and just focusing on the main 60hr/week gig.. which is now down to 50 btw, and my startup. I already feel so much better.
As for the 60hr gig, I basically told the people who hired me as a contractor that I would quit if they didn't hire more people, to my surprise, they went ahead and interviewed people and got me some help.. all I had to do was ask.
It's amazing what you can get when you ask for it, or when you say no.
Great post Ben. I hope others see our stories and ask themselves the same question we did.
I do exactly the same, so will me making extra sure I don't take on too much.
saying No will get you in a position where the quality of work gets better. Especially in 90hrs a eek it can not be as good as in 50 or 60.
Better Quality is better money, if not change your contractor ;)
Can you all experienced people teach me how to say "NO"? Have a great time with your kid and family.
Thank you and God bless.
Ehsan